Darkness

My girl is dark. She has a scary place inside her mind that sends out some of the most fucked up things I've ever seen. I debated on this a long time ago. Is this a problem? Is it a symptom of a problem? I thought long and hard and realized that no, no it is not. And I haven't had a regret about them since.

Maybe it would be helpful to describe in a bit more detail what I mean by these "things". Her stories, the ones she comes up with in her head are dark. And I'm not saying someone dies in some. I'm saying that in her stories, every character has been orphaned, abandoned, whipped, beaten, scarred, raped, enslaved, in whatever way, everyone comes with extreme damage. When left to wander, her mind goes darker places than I ever could have imagined.

Just last night we had a namic where she was a slave and I was the kind daughter of his owner. She wanted beaten completely bloody, til she could barely move, and once I fixed that, she wanted to be raped and beaten again, turned into scars upon scars. This is her idea of fun. And it's deeper and darker than I could ever come up with on my own. 

I don't know where it comes from. I don't know if it comes from her history of abuse or from something else. Wherever it comes from, I know it in and of itself is not hurting her. And, to tell you the truth, that's all I care about. I love her regardless. In fact, knowing her mind can go to such incredibly dark places makes me feel good about her love for me. I mean, if someone who can be so dark can giggle with me, play with me, give me kisses, feed me touch me with such gentle hands, snuggle me and enjoy herself, that really shows she loves me. She's not just that light and fun with anyone. It takes some real love to pull her mind out of that and into my heart.