Conformity and Anticonformity

Above:not my thing

I love pink. I love swirlies and cutesy backgrounds. I like to wear rainbows, hearts, and pictures of cartoon characters. I often find that kids' songs sound better to me than rock and roll, metal, or anything else those emo kids listen to. I can handle black, as a color (or lack therof if you wanna talk science). I don't like it as the main facet of anything. I don't like to wear it. I don't like the look of skulls and blood as detail.

I have always been this way, I have not, however, always acted this way. You, see, I tried a couple of years ago to fit in with some wonderful people who I love very much. I thought that's what I had to do to show that I don't care what most of society says a girl should wear, I like these clothes. But I didn't. And I'm not sure that was as destructive as trying to fit in or not, but I think trying to fit out was a really bad thing for me. I could've been me, and I know these people, they would have loved me just the same. But instead, I was afraid. I tried to hide happiness and cheer behind black and blood and skulls, for fear of seeming too normal. Ironically, I spent so much time in front of the mirror, trying to look just depressed enough, in order to make people think I didn't care how I looked, and I was just going to express myself.  I also associated these things with growing up, which I cared very deeply about at the time. I thought if I dressed how I wanted to, drew pictures how I wanted to, owned pretty items that I wanted to, I would be forever stuck a kid, and that I wouldn't be mature enough for anyone to love me, especially those friends that had the same general stuff that I did.

Now, I was depressed during some of that, and I was a cutter, but I didn't want to wear those clothes for my own sake. I didn't want to look like that. Despite the depression, I always thought a rainbow of colors looked better than abscence, and hearts looked better than skulls. So now? I've stopped being a weird emo hipster and trying so hart to not fit in that I'm forgetting who I am. I'm loving me wtih the cutesy stuff and all.

So to anyone fighting with the same delima, don't forget that anticonformity is not the same as nonconformity. Follow what you love, and people who are worth it will love you just the same. Don't stress so much about just being who you are

pictured below: exactly my thing