conforming to anti conformity- Parallel guest post by Halley

Let's just start out by saying, I'm fucking weird. Quite a lot of this is due to autism, some of it isn't. But it's the autism that causes me to do certain things. See, I've found that you can be weird as fuck, and as long as you fit into some sort of subculture, people will dismiss you instead of hassling you about it. I hate most social interactions; I don't want to talk to people, I really, really just want most of them to go away. I love my friends and Goddess and they are exceptions (Goddess always, friends occasionally), but the majority of the population, I want to leave me alone. 
I've never been too good at changing who I am, but changing my clothes is easy, although I'm not very good at misrepresenting myself, I can try. For a while there, I tried being an emo kid, although, honestly, I was closer to Goth. I wore the black clothes, with long sleeves to cover my cuts, yeah, I was a cutter. I never did learn how to cry a lot, mainly I just looked dead. I really was depressed, and I liked my black clothes, not how they looked per se, but how they showed how I felt on the inside. Yes, I'm a cliche, I know. I felt empty inside, I hurt, and I thought, at least on some level, if I could show the world, then someone would make the pain go away. It also made me fit into a crowd, something that almost never happens, and gave me shelter from all the eyes.
I listened to emo music, but it wasn't tough enough for me in general, as Goddess could tell you, I'm not good at whining (or begging), but I was in pain, so I tried to look it. I ended up with more death metal than emo music, but hey, it counts, right? I was a bad emo, all I really had was the cutting, suicidal ideas, and black clothing. 
Now I've found an even better way to get people not to hassle me, and I get to actually be me, if you are a certain level of weird, you seem to turn invisible.