It's Only Natural- guest post by halley

I'm generally skeptical about things, but some things I actually don't think too much about. I am truly a hippie at heart. I generally think that all things natural are good, if it's a decision that has specific consequences, well, then I make sure. Parenting is one of the ones that I've thought a lot about, but not too much away from my instincts. It makes sense that a natural way of parenting would be good because if it were bad, we may have all died by now. Like if circumcision was really necessary for good health, we would have died out.

I don't know much about the studies involving sleep training or formula feeding. Brittany tries to educate me about how much better breast milk is, but it only seems to go as far that the artificial way causes harm in my brain. I've always thought that setting your baby down would lead to it getting eaten by a saber toothed tiger. Realistically, I'm pretty sure that if my baby is away from me, it will get hurt. I've always hated the idea of putting a baby in a crib. When I heard that cosleeping was dangerous because your baby might suffocate, I was still going to do it because the risk seems less, I now know it to be true that your baby is safer with you then alone, even during sleep.

If there is no logical reason to mess with something natural, then I don't think it's a good idea to do it. As it turns out, many of our "improvements" on the natural way of doing things are downright dangerous to our babies. I don't need to know exactly how bad something is to know that something with no bad things about it is better. The idea that letting a baby cry without doing anything isn't the most awful thing you could do to it feels so wrong. If I was crying, I'd want the person who loved me to help me and if she didn't I wouldn't feel loved. Why on earth would a baby be different?

We ought to instinctively know how to parent because every other species on the planet knows how to parent. No other primate puts it's young in a place away from it, no other primate rips apart it's babies genitals, no other primate cuts the umbilical cord immediately, no other primate has it's young laying on it's back with it's legs up. There is a reason for these things, they just don't feel right, they aren't right and our hormones, subconscious, and thousands of years of genetic programming tell us so.

Don't get the wrong idea, trusting instincts blindly is a bad idea, make sure that doctors haven't came up with something better and everything, but in general, natural is best. Medicine is an exception, vaccines, emergency c-sections. Don't be ignorant of your options by any means, but if something is claiming to be better than the natural way, don't just assume that science must be better. Do look at the evidence, but let your instincts guide you when there is lack of evidence. Putting your baby to your breast is the most instinctive act of motherhood, why would you give your baby anything but what was designed just for it?

Peaceful Parenting And Atheism

I obviously believe in parenting kids with love and attachment and affection. I also definitely don't believe in any gods, and to me, it seems as if peaceful parenting comes as a natural affect of atheism and skepticism in general.


Allow me to explain. If I start with no gods, that means I have no "divinely inspired" books to tell me how to parent. I have to rely on what I can see in the real world. So, when I wonder how the best way to take care of children is, My obvious first thought is that I should be nice to them. I would think that the more they can feel loved and safe, the better things would go for them. Then I wonder what possible exceptions there could be to the simplicity of always giving my kids what they want and need.


Well, if we can't afford a material object, I could have to deny them that. So, I'd explain how we couldn't afford something like that and that we would save up our money for it. If my child wanted to do something dangerous, it is only logical that I would stop them, and explain how it would hurt them, and why they shouldn't do it, as well as physically preventing them from doing the action in the future. If they aren't yet of a mind to understand, simply the physical prevention should suffice. 


The most powerful convincing tool for peaceful parenting is the question "why?" And when you start with the given of loving your child and caring for his/her/xyr well-being, the following things come up.

There's a good answer for why to hold your child. Being held makes the baby feel secure and releases hormones that encourage bonding. 


There's a good answer for why to breastfeed. It's the normal, natural way, and the wonderful things in it cannot be replicated by formula. 


There's not a good answer for the things that fall into the baby training school of parenting. Whether studies say they are harmful or not, why do them in the first place?


Why hit your child? why hit him or her gently? why on his/her/xyr bottom? you shouldn't. There's no reason to assume it's beneficial, and even if it's completely devoid of psychological harm, there is at least physical harm at that moment, and no reason to assume "oh, I should hit my child".


Why amputate a part of your child's penis? again, regardless of if there are no psychological effects, it's a simple violation of human consent to remove any part of your child that can never be replaced.


I could go on and on, giving examples of both, but I'll stop there and simply say that there's a connection between having a logical mind and avoiding behaviors that aren't clearly loving. This silly ideal of tough love is born out of a parental selfishness, as well as biblical and religious support of spanking. Skeptics and atheists should, by all logic, be more a part of the attachment parenting world. Our children want and need us, and it only makes sense we should give them the comforting, safe atmosphere, both physically and psychologically.

DO NOT WATCH- The Change Up

Remember when I said we walked out on a movie? well, it was called The Change Up, and if you're a peaceful parent, or support peaceful parenting, but aren't a parent yet, do NOT give this movie your money to see. Hell, if you just believe in not neglecting children, you should NOT give this movie your money. We walked out on it within the first 15 minutes of movie time for many, many horrible parenting decisions being portrayed as okay. It didn't seem to be about an awful father who changed to be better, so I seriously doubt it did anything but get way worse after we left. Anyway, the following is a list of instances of bad parenting I saw in just a few minutes of this movie, along with why its not okay.

Here's a picture of a baby being breastfed so you all remember that good parents still exist

Seperate Sleeping

Even if you don't sleep with your baby in the bed for SIDS concerns or other reasons, you should sleep in the same room, because common sense dictates that, in an emergency, you can get to your baby more quickly. If there is a fire, it can be lifesaving not to have to run across the house to get to your baby, especially if the fire starts between you and the baby. In the event of a kidnapping, it's going to be easy enough to get to your baby before you can if there's an entrance to the house from outside  between the two of you. But this couple was portrayed sleeping in a far away room.

Delayed Crying Response

In the movie, screams come through the baby monitor in the opening scene. No one does anything for a good 10 seconds, then the woman in the couple tells the man it's his turn, they sit there for at least a minute with the guy groaning and upset he has to get up so early. Finally, he leaves his room for the walk to his kids, but once he gets there, he stares at the kid for a few seconds first and says something I don't really remember, but finally picks her up.

Circumcision

During a diaper change meant to be humerous, we get a brief glimpse of his baby boy's penis, which appeared to have the divide you do not see in whole infants. I'm not entirely sure that I saw this, so I won't focus too long on it. But, yeah, circumcsion is harmful and violates basic human consent.

Ignoring Indicators of Mental Difference

In the movie, the man's son was portrayed banging his head off the bars of his crib, rather hard, and ignoring the pain. Although neurotypical children with occasionally relatively gently bounce their heads off of things, head banging with the force and seeming lack of realization of pain depicted here, this indicates a mental difference such as autism, which needs attention to control the negative symptoms for the child. This went unnoticed by the father except for an exasperated comment that "I thought we'd talked about this, buddy". If a child does this, he needs to see a doctor promptly to diagnose these things.

Allowing the Head Banging Itself

I don't know if you've heard, but babies heads are sensitive. Babies get concussions more easily than older people. And head banging in the context shown could've caused serious damage, but the father didn't interfere. Any child hitting his/her/xyr head this hard needs to be stopped immediately and given some other task to focus on before he/she/xe gets a serious brain injury. Also, the pain itself will be bad when the child comes back to be mentally able to focus on it.

Formula Feeding

I've mentioned before some of the many reasons formula is bad for babies, and I'll give brief mention again of the increased incidence of colic, diarhea, ear infections, allergies, upper respiratory infections, and childhood cancer, and of the decreased reporting of a strong parental bond during teenage years, and, only anecdotally, a general sense of unease for the baby. Bottom line, don't formula feed.

Improper Bottle Feeding

Bottle feeding isn't best for baby, but if it's being done (and bottle feeding can be breastmilk feeding, which is acceptable, morally) wrong, it can cause even more problems. The father in this movie was feeding his twins without the proper angle of the bottle. He was holding the bottles at such an angle that the air was meeting the nipple. This is never supposed to be done, as it causes a baby to swallow the air and will give them tummy aches.

Sleep Training

Sleep trianing was not shown, but the father alluded to the idea that he would do it. Sleep training, for those who don't know, is like "cry it out" methods of teaching, which allow the baby to cry without responding. When babies stop crying due to sleep training, their bodies are responding as if they have been abandoned. It wastes energy to cry, and a baby's hormones tell it that something is seriously wrong because someone hasn't responded to it, so, they must conserve energy before they starve to death. This is a horrible way to treat a human, especially a baby. Babies cry when they need something. No more. And you can never, ever spoil a baby.

I didn't think I could stomach the rest of the movie without wanting to kill someone, and neither did halley, so we left, but I'm sure there were more bad things throughout the movie. So, please, peaceful parents of this world, boycott this movie.

About Sexualized Breasts

I am against the sexualization of breasts. They are not sex organs. They are there to feed babies, and they should be used that way. No one should ever make a woman cover up her breasts because they are sexual. But I love the feelings associated with mine, and I like them to be stimulated during sex. And I want to make it abundantly clear that "not innately sexual" and "morally wrong to utilize for sex" are two entirely different things. So everyone knows, you should feel free to use any part of your body during sex if it feels good. This includes your breasts.

So, what I mean by wanting breasts to be desexualized is that I want us to treat them like lips, or hands, or necks. The sight of them should not call to mind sex. Just like lips, they can be used in a sexual way, and you can always feel free to love the sensation, but also like lips, they should be able to be shown to the public without someone freaking out because you're showing your sexual organs to the world. That's one of the goals I feel is very important. I think this way because as long as breasts are presented as sexual organs, it's going to be hard for mothers to feel comfortable feeding their children in public. And the more breastfed children, the better. If we reverse the sexualization of breasts, we can also prevent people from bottlefeeding based on the idea that it'd be like pedophilia.

I guess that's all I mean. Every time you use your breasts in a sexual context, you are NOT promoting the sexualization of breasts. Every time you ask a breastfeeding mother to cover up, you are. Every time you look at a woman's breasts and feel some sexual feeling, you are NOT promoting the sexualization of breasts. Every time you say it's wrong for a woman to go topless in public, you are. Any questions? If so, ask me!

Breastfeeding

Yeah, it's time to talk about breastfeeding, one of my obsessions. It's very important to breastfeed. Many people don't realize how big of a difference it makes to breastfeed your baby, but research shows that not breastfeeding can cause an increased risk of ear infections, diarrhea, upper respiratory infections, and even childhood cancer. Those are just a few. Don't take my word for it; have a look
http://www.llli.org/docs/Outcomes_of_breastfeeding_June_2007.pdf
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17764214/
http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=14660645

You can check those facts and look for sources, but what it all boils down to is that formula is dangerous for babies. Please, don't put your babies at risk for these kinds of things. If you love your baby, breastfeed, and if it's not working right, do a little research, or hire a lactation consultant, hey, you might meet me, since that is my desired plan in life.

You may wonder why I'm saying that formula is dangerous instead of that breastmilk is helpful. Well,there's a good reason: breastfeeding is natural, it's normal, and it's expected out of every mother. So, the natural state of things is the immunities in breastmilk, while the lacktherof, is subnormal, inadequate and dangerous. I'm sure there will be more installments on breastfeeding to come soon, but for now, everyone, please think about it, if you ever intend to have children